Fat Face Picks

The New Year's Day bowl games are not what they used to be, thanks to undeserving interlopers like Northern Illinois and Wisconsin. The Heart of Dallas bowl seems to have been hastily put together so that T. Boone Pickens (who graduated from Oklahoma St. and lives in Dallas) could see the Cowboys play (the Oklahoma variety) without having to travel.

The rest of the 2013 bowl games are strictly dog shows, with the exception of Oregon vs. Kansas St.  and Texas A&M vs. Oklahoma. Those are worth the price of admission. The national title game is a doozy, Notre Dame vs. Alabama.  All you Golden Domers can stop kidding yourselves, Alabama is the best collegiate team in the land, and they will prove that on January 7th.

TaxSlayer.com Gator    Mississippi State vs. Northwestern Jacksonville, Fla.  Jan. 1

Left Nut:  The Bulldogs got off to a 7-0 start before the wheels came off (wins over four teams with losing records, two Sun Belt schools and one FCS club) Northwestern won its first five, then went 4-3 the rest of the way.  This is one instance where the Big Ten is superior to the SEC.    Phat Pick: Northwestern

Fat Face:     Pat Fitzgerald & Dan Mullen! they're like a human bowl of mashed potatoes with nary a drop of gravy in sight.  Last year, Dale Earnhardt Jr. drove the TaxSlayer.com Nationwide Series car onto the field and flipped the coin for the opening coin toss. Yep! it's that kind of event.  Shitty swag, Fossil watch, hats, garment bag, carry-on bag, a football


Heart of Dallas       Purdue vs. Oklahoma State    Dallas   Jan. 1

Left Nut: A 6-6 Boilermaker squad facing off with 7-5 Oklahoma St., please tell me again why this game isn't played in mid-December?  Cowboy O.C. Todd Monken took the head coach job at Southern Miss, so Mike Gundy will run the offense.   Phat Pick: I defer to the Fat Face

Fat Face:  I smell the oily, greasy essence of T. Boone Pickens  all over this one. A prolonged, throbbing hangover complete with retching dry heaves would be preferable to watching this game.  Fat Face Pick: OK State     The swag is being kept under wraps.

Outback        South Carolina vs. Michigan    Tampa, Fla.    Jan. 1

Left Nut: The 'ol Ball Coach willed the Gamecocks to a 10-2 finish, losing only to LSU & Florida. Michigan was never much of a factor in 2012. Steve Spurrier going up against Brady Hoke, that's like a pitbull fighting a fat chubby poodle.  Phat Pick: South Carolina

Fat Face: Michigan finished second in the No-Legends Division of the Big Ten, having never really recovered from that season opening beat down at the hands of  'Bama. I roll with the SEC on this one. Run of the mill swag: Best Buy gift card, Fossil watch, ring, cap, Outback gift card.

Capital One     Georgia vs. Nebraska        Orlando, Fla. Jan. 1

Left Nut:  You're not cool unless you pee your pants. ... Bo Pelini in all probability pissed his pants during a game against the Texas Longhorns in 2010. LOL!, Espn did not photoshop the urine spot onto Bo Pelini's khakis, that was a genuine spread offense.     Phat Pick: Georgia

Fat Face:  Geez! at least Joe Paterno and Woody Hayes had the sense to wear Depends on the sideline. Georgia will chuck that corn and make Pelini & the Huskers drop a load in their pants. Swag is light: $420 shopping trip to Best Buy, Fossil watch

Rose Bowl     Wisconsin vs. Stanford   Pasadena, Calif.    Jan. 1

Left Nut:  I like how everyone is ignoring the fact that Wisconsin wormed its way to Pasadena. Both, unbeaten Ohio St. & second place Penn St. are ineligible for post season play.  Wisconsin was 4-4 in the Loss-Leaders division of the Big Ten, 8-5 overall, losing three of their last five games. Phat Pick: Stanford

Fat Face:   Stanford is the real deal and on a seven game winning streak.  The Badgers will need more than Barry Alvarez back on the sidelines to win this one.  The major bowls all do gift suites (shopping sprees) Fossil watch, Oakley backpack, New Era gear

Orange   Northern Illinois vs. Florida State     Miami   Jan. 1

NIU head coach  Dave Doeren couldn't wait till after the bowl season before he  took the job at North Carolina State. The Huskies will now fulfill their dream of a BCS bowl game, minus the man who got them there. NIU was allocated 17,500 tickets for the game, they average just over the FBS minimum of 15,000 fans per game. The school had to eat the unsold tickets, which they gave away to students.  Phat Pick: Florida State

Fat Face: They paid for them.... you eat them!  Undeserving and with their head coach gone the Huskies will suffer a fate similar to that of Colt Brennan and the Hawaii Warriors in the 2008 Sugar Bowl (granted that Georgia squad had Matt Stafford and Knowshon Moreno)  Light on the swag for a major: Gift Suite, Tourneau watch

Allstate Sugar       Louisville vs. Florida    New Orleans     Jan. 2

Louisville just joined the ACC, good move for them and they managed to hold on to Charlie Strong, their head coach. Florida coach Will Muschamp is being heralded as the next Urban Meyer. I knew Urban Meyer and Will Muschamp is no Urban Meyer.... hell! he's even better!       Phat Pick: Florida

Fat Face: Louisville lost two of its last three games, (U.Conn & Syracuse) they have a habit of playing everyone close and Charlie Strong has the imagination of a rock, which makes for some ugly, grind 'em out games. Swaggish Swag: Gift Suite, Fossil watch, New Era cap, Boxer & Stone hoodie

Tostitos Fiesta   Oregon vs. Kansas State   Glendale, Ariz.     Jan. 3

Two explosive teams, each with just one loss.  If the final score isn't something like 54-50,  I'll  be extremely dissapointed. Three points is all that kept the Oregon Ducks from facing off against Notre Dame for the national championship. Baylor exposed the Wildcats as pretenders not contenders.  Phat Pick: Oregon

Fat Face: The Ducks will have a six week layoff between games, which should give Chip Kelly's staff plenty of time to come up with more of  those eye-catching, poster-sized placards  that  are Oregon's calling card.  Swag does not include Tostitos: Gift Suite, Fossil watch, Orgio Mercur backpack 

AT&T Cotton   Texas A&M vs. Oklahoma   Arlington,Tx.  Jan. 4

Left Nut: This game was set up as a showcase for Heisman winner, John Manziel... Johnny Football of A&M, he's  the poor white trash version of Tim Tebow. Smart enough to win football games and dumb enough to get arrested for disorderly conduct and possessing a false id card (Louisiana, at that!) 

Fat Face:  Here's the story, Manziel and Steven Brant were found fighting in the street with 47 year old Marvin McKinney, who told police that the fight started after Brant called him a racial slur. When McKinney approached Brant, Manziel shoved McKinney and punches were thrown. 

Left Nut: "We are disappointed with his actions and this is out of character for Johnny" said head coach Kevin Sumlin. Sumlin had only been on the job a few months and it's doubtful that he knew anything about Mr. Football's true character at the time.    Phat Pick: TAMU

Fat Face: A&M always takes the high road, Manziel spent the night in jail and was released after he slept it off. Gig 'em Aggies!  Swag is top secret (hookers, guns, drugs & cash payoffs.... no doubt!)

BBVA Compass   Pittsburgh vs. Ole Miss    Birmingham, Ala.          Jan. 5

Left Nut: On any given Jan 5th. I would rather be in Boise,  Albuquerque N.M.  or El Paso, Tx. than in Birmingham, Ala.  Don't let the fact that this game is played just two days before the national championship game fool you,  this bowl game exists simply to fill a time slot for ESPN.   Phat Pick: Ole Miss

Fat Face: Ole Miss is 6-6 and lost three of its last four games, Pittsburgh is 6-6. Both teams had losing records within their respective conferences.  Swag: Fossil watch, Oakley sunglasses, portable speaker, backpack, football

GoDaddy.com    Kent State vs. Arkansas State   Mobile    Jan.6

Left Nut: How ridiculous are the BCS rankings? Kent St. was within a touchdown of playing in the Orange Bowl and now they get the GoDaddy Bowl as a consolation.  Just like the BBVA Bowl, the GoDaddy is a mid-December bowl game at best.  Phat Pick: Kent State

Fat Face: Both head coaches skedaddled for greener pastures (Malzahn for Auburn, Hazell for Purdue) Arkansas St. Db. Don Jones said it best:  "Lol dese coaches run a train on Arkansas State, get a nut an gone bout they business" Get Your Swag on:  Sol Republic headphones, Fossil watch, garment bag, football

BCS National Championship     Notre Dame vs. Alabama    Miami   Jan. 7

Left Nut: Every game and every down of the 2012 collegiate season has been leading up to this. The Big Papa, the BCS national championship game.  This year we have a classic match-up, the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame and the Crimson Tide of Alabama. 

Fat Face: This is the kind of game that guys like Bear Bryant, Barry Switzer & Woody Hayes lived for. Having said that, if Notre Dame loses and Ohio St. Univ. is sole team left undefeated then the NCAA be damned, the Buckeyes are the national champions. 

Left Nut: I see your logic and raise it with my sarcasm  after all that was the criteria used when BYU won its national title back in 1984. If 'Bama wins, we will crown a true champion, because as everybody knows, the Tide would roll all over the Buckeyes.

Fat Face: Don't let Alabama's loss to A&M fool you, the Tide beat themselves, Johnny Football just went along for the ride. Nick Saban will not allow that to happen again. 

Left Nut: On a level playing field, which we have.... Brian Kelly is no match for Nick Saban. Fighting Irish Qb. Everett Golson has been getting by on the luck of the Irish, which is about to run out.

Fat Face: Last year Jordan Jefferson found out just how hard it can be to move the ball on Alabama when they've had weeks to prepare. To me this game is shaping up the same way, 'Bama's defense will shut down Notre Dame's less than prolific offense.

Left Nut: I'm calling my shot.... Alabama 13  Notre Dame  10,  it will come down to which defense has a better day. Manti Te'o is overrated, he'll be exposed in this game.

Fat Face: I'm rolling with the Tide, 9-3.  Golson will be nursing an injury on the sidelines by halftime (ribs or shoulder) Tommy Rees will then come in an screw the pooch. The swag is hardly befitting of a title game. Gift Suite, Tourneau watch.... surely there's stuff they can't tell us about (bags full 'o cash, strippers, hedonistic Roman style banquets, porn shoots, gladiator battles.... a Fossil watch)