It's time for the third annual edition of Fat Face Picks, a tradition that goes back... ahh!, three years, predating Left Nut Sports by one year. Ray "Fat Face" Corrado, is a former sports books and self described college football expert. From the BCS to the jucos, Fat Face has his gravy stained fingers on the pulse of the college game.
Fat Face is a total gambling degenerate, and every facet of his personal life lacks discipline and control. Fat Face is addicted to internet sports and internet porn, which of course makes him the perfect YAFL coach. He currently coaches linemen at juco independent, BYU-Mexican Hat, (Utah) for Head Coach Sam Avard
With the season completed (the Danites finished at 1-10) Fat Face now turns his full attention to the bowl games. It's not like he has anything else to do, the nearest McDonalds is 37 miles away, and Coach Avard is a cruel task master. Fat Face Ray has Dec. 15th. penciled in on his calender, the day when the McRib returns to Kayenta, Az.... Dream on Big Guy, Dream On.
Gildan New Mexico Nevada vs. Arizona Albuquerque, N.M. Dec. 15
Left Nut: Remember when former Arizona basketball coach Lute Olsen, got mad because UNM kept beating them and cancelled all future games against New Mexico? Rich Rod & the Wildcats will not get a friendly welcome in Albuquerque. Phat Pick: Arizona
Fat Face: Richer Rodriguez may have to prove that he's not Mexican when the 'Cats return to Arizona. Nevada has come up short all season, they'll do so again. A band made up of all the ex-Shins that James Mercer has fired will perform at halftime.
Famous Idaho Potato Toledo vs. Utah State Boise, Idaho Dec 15
Left Nut: Toledo ranks last in the MAC in pass defense, USU Qb. Chuckie Keeton is capable of picking them apart. Utah St. the WAC champions, lost to Ohio Univ. in this bowl last year. Logan, Ut. is a short drive away, so they'll have the crowd. Phat Pick: Utah State
Fat Face: The MAC is this year's darling, everyone in attendance gets a free five pound bag of potatos, they're for throwing, not for eating.
S.D. County Credit Union Poinsettia BYU vs. San Diego State Dec. 20
Left Nut: According to Deseret News sports writer Brad Rock, folks in Provo can't get enough of San Diego. Be careful what you wish for, San Diego State is no push-over and they get to play a home game to boot. Phat Pick: SDSU
Fat Face: Beats playing in the Famous Potato Bowl, or staying home like the Yewts. Sorry Nut, but I will not bite the hand that feeds me (I'm a big eater)
Beef 'O' Brady's UCF vs. Ball State St. Petersburg, Fla. Dec. 21
Left Nut: This game will put you to sleep faster than Sominex, an overrated Florida commuter school vs. your typical scrappy and undersized MAC patsy. Rudy Ruettiger of "Rudy" fame (did you know that he's already 64 years old?) will speak at halftime. Phat Pick: UCF
Fat Face: Beef 'O' Brady's sounds like an establishment that Hulk Hogan would frequent, which can only mean one thing... their beef is not strong, it's just wrong.
R+L Carriers New Orleans East Carolina vs. Louisiana-Lafayette New Orleans Dec. 22
Left Nut: East Carolina beat Marshall 65-59 and yes it was a football game, why do you ask? This is a home game for La.-Laf. not that it'll help them, their puny Sun Belt defense won't hold up to the onslaught they can expect from the Pirates... Aarrh! Phat Pick: East Carolina
Fat Face: Sitting on the beach, with a fresh beignet and coffee in hand, is a perfect start to the perfect day! Does Nawlins still have a beach?
MAACO Las Vegas Washington vs. Boise State Las Vegas
Left Nut: That loss to San Diego St. really screwed Boise St. out off their rightful BCS spot, which led to Northern Illinois getting a BCS bid, which left Oklahoma out and caused Louisiana Tech to stupidly overplay their hand and wind up without a bowl bid. In other words, Thank You Boise! Washington coming off a pitiful loss to rival WASU, is playing out the string. Phat Pick: Boise St.
Fat Face: Lost Wages is my kinda town! unlimited gambling and buffets. A Husky ain't nothing but a dog but a Bronco is just another name for a stud stallion, you're going down Sarkisian! Ronnie Vannucci of The Killers will perform a thirty minute drum solo at halftime.
Sheraton Hawaii Fresno State vs. SMU Honolulu Dec. 24
Left Nut: Not quite a triumphant return home for June Jones, SMU at 6-6 plays in one of weakest divisions, in one of the weakest conferences in the country. Fresno St. tied for the MWC league title, they are salty and ready to rumble. Jones might as well be leading the Mustangs to the glue factory Phat Pick: Fresno St.
Fat Face: Saying that the denizens of Fresno are salty is to imply that they are crackers, that's raycess Nut!
Little Caesars Pizza Western Kentucky vs. Central Michigan Detroit Dec. 26
Left Nut: It's only proper that the worst pizza ever, would sponsor the worst bowl game of the season, played in the worst city in America. When I think of pizza somehow Detroit doesn't come to mind. This game is a toss, as in toss it in the garbage can Phat Pick: I don't fucking care
Fat Face: Food bowls are my favorite, you pour enough tabasco on a Little Caesars' pizza and it tastes just like tabasco... yum! Rodriguez & Death will perform during the halftime show
Military Bowl Presented By Northrop Grumman San Jose State vs. Bowling Green Dec. 27
Left Nut: Another snoozer, if you want to torture or run off unwanted relatives during the holiday season, just tune in this game. 2012 will be remembered as the year the MAC forced all their crappy boring teams on America. Phat Pick: San Jose St.
Fat Face: Rumors have Mike Mac taking the Colorado job, which changes nothing
Belk Cincinnati vs. Duke Charlotte, N.C. Dec. 27
Left Nut: Dec. 27th. will be a day that will live in football infamy. Belk is German for "Duke home game" Cincinnati is so much better, that if they don't win by thirty points or more, point shaving will be suspected immediately. Phat Pick: Cincinnati
Fat Face: On Dec. 27th I will eat and drink any man under the table, even though it's on a Thursday and I'll be at work. Duke started out fast and faded out even faster. The halftime show will feature several NASCAR drivers burning rubber and blowing their engines...
Bridgepoint Education Holiday Baylor vs. UCLA San Diego Dec. 27
Left Nut: It's not likely that getting educated on anything other than Tijuana hookers will be on the agenda for these Texans. I don't trust that UCLA will ever win a game that matters, besides Junior Mora is a fucking prick. Phat Pick: Baylor
Fat Face: Education?... we don't need no education, we don't need no thought control. Football players don't go to college to play school, they go to play football. A Pink Floyd mariachi cover band will perform during halftime.
AdvoCare V100 Independence Ohio vs. Louisiana-Monroe Shreveport, La. Dec. 28
Left Nut: At one point in the season there was talk of Ohio Univ. being the BCS buster, now they get to breath in the smell of death that permeates throughout Louisiana. The Bobcats started 7-0 and finished 1-4. Whatever mojo Ohio Univ. once had is long gone. Phat Pick: La.Monroe
Fat Face: Bad Blood or a misunderstanding between La. Tech & La. Monroe, led to the 9-3, Bulldogs sitting at home without a bowl invite. Bowl officials merely said it was a "sticky situation." that's just nasty, a little discretion would be in order.
Russell Athletic Rutgers vs. Virginia Tech Orlando, Fla. Dec. 28
Left Nut: I'm not familiar with Russell Athletic, are they the makers of the Shaq line of footwear that WalMart carries? Both Rutgers & Virginia Tech had visions of BCS bowls dancing in their heads, now they get to dance with the mouse. Phat Pick: Rutgers
Fat Face: Virginia Tech is a godawful football team, maybe the ACC should exchange them for Cincinnati?
Meineke Car Care of Texas Minnesota vs. Texas Tech Houston Dec. 28
Left Nut: How the fuck did Minnesota get into a bowl game? If Texas Tech can't beat the Gophers in the Lone Star state, then they should just pick up the entire campus and the city of Lubbock and drag them across the state line into New Mexico Quick Pick: Texas Tech
Fat Face: Jerry Kill needs to retire soon, a 6-6 season and a trip to the Meineke Car Care Bowl is bad for his health.
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