Oaktown Rotters Redux

A special message from the law office of Oscar Z. Acosta & Rock Ramos, Esq.*

*licensed to practice law in San Francisco, Oakland, San Jose & Hollister, Ca. The Mexican states of Chihuahua, Baja California & Baja California Sur and the Canadian province of Alberta


Raider fans.... do you ever get the feeling that your team's lack of success on the field isn't strictly by accident? Do you get a sense that the playing field, isn't exactly level?

Buck up Raider! you are not alone.  What if we bring a class action suit against the NFL for unfair treatment?  I just spoke with my client, "Mexican Raider" (Se Habla Español) and  if we gather enough evidence such as replays, testimonies, etc this might go through.

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Nation Burger..... "Where da Nation goes when they get hungry!"  .... for a limited time only!, "The Raleigh" faux porklet rib sandwich.... Raleigh looks like Reggie and this looks like the McRib!.....JUST EAT BABY!

Are Gorilla Zilla and Raider Ron really spies from the commissioner's office? (think about it!, they never miss a game) Is Mark Davis really the spawn of Al Davis? Does Reggie know what the fuck he's doing? We ask those tough question so you don't have to.

It is evident to anyone with half a brain the Raiders are being treated unfairly in the NFL. We could prove that Roger Goodell is simply following a mandate passed down by Pete Rozelle, that "whomever holds the office of NFL commissioner, must fuck with the Raiders" 

Can I say one word?.... collusion, that's right!, collusion...  Mexican Raider couldn't pronounce it, much less spell it, which is why he hired us to represent his interests and those of Raider Nation, worldwide.

Even those morons from CBS are treating the Raiders unfairly. All those replays that show us committing stupid penalties and the accompanying snarky comments cross the line.  We just want to level the playing field. We want no favors. (we will take free stuff like hats, decals or hoodies)

We need at least a few thousand fans to make this happen.  Is anyone interested ?

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Rent-a-Rueda ..... "Don't get caught flat, ridin' on 18s when you could be rollin' on 22s"  Rent-a-Rueda....  Hue Jackson sez: "u can't ghost ride dat whip if u ain't got no tires" 

And now a word from Lic. Oscar Z. Acosta 

It is time for Raider Nation to right all egregious wrongs, starting with that culero, Adam Carolla.... we heard all about "your best solution"... posting flyers that say "FREE COCKFIGHTS FOR RAIDERS FANS... then whoever shows up just arrest them all and call it a victory for mankind" that's hurtful Carolla, as in punitive damages hurtful.

Deadspin and Drew Magary, "Why Your teams sucks" was funny when you capped on the Niners, not so funny when you picked on Raider Nation.  "Raider fans (also known as recent parolees or the gardeners) are predicting another scintillating 8-8 season this year, that kind of naivete could make them Cub fans"

Deadspin pulled that comment quick, but not before my law partner Rock Ramos (who has a personal computer and knows how to use it) captured a screen shot. We won't precede with litigation against Deadspin, because they're with Gawker and those motherfuckers are lawyered up.

   

Then there's Jim Rome (who?) it's ironic that the man who drove the term "jump the shark" into the ground, has now himself "jumped the shark" Pimp in the box must cease and desist from calling Raider fans.... Raider fan. That's singular rather than plural, what  he's implying is that all Raider fans are alike. Fuck you Romey, that's racist.

The NFL is governed by US laws which are very fair and demand an equal opportunity for all parties involved. However, before we can proceed any further with this frivolous litigation we must gather enough legitimate signatures, to petition a  court of law to hear our case.

To this end, Raiders fans will trek to your neighborhood after the upcoming Jaguars game to collect your John Hancocks. So if you see some scary vatos in full facepaint and football pads with giant spikes, a gorilla who thinks he's the Cat in the Hat or an old geezer with a chain smoker's hack, dressed all in black ..... please, don't shoot!  

And if you're a Niners fan, just put a sign on your lawn and we won't bother you, even though we got plenty of beef with you putos.  Audi 5000, homes!